Let Me Be
by obfuscation
Summary: An agreement between Harry and Tonks causes the two to clash and Harry quickly finds out that he doesn't quite understand as much as he thinks. [OneShot]


This is merely a oneshot to a challenge from HMS Honks livejournal that was sent to me so here we go. I've never really written a fluff thing or a oneshot so I figured I'd try it out.

Rated T for langauge. See bio for disclaimer.

**Let Me Be**

The Christmas holiday was something Harry usually looked forward to. It was the one time when things seemed to go smoothly despite the fact that everything around him generally fell into chaos throughout the year. He sat in one of the large arm chairs oriented towards the massive fireplace of Grimmauld Place where he, Ron, Hermione, the rest of the Weasley clan and assorted members of the Order had chosen to stay during the brief interlude between classes. Decided by Dumbledore and whose logic was agreed upon by much of the Order, the group had spent the better part of the last week cooped up within the dreary house. Now Mrs. Weasley, Ginny, and Hermione had made tremendous strides when it came to making the house a bit more hospitable, it still had that smell of old leather, dust, and disuse which lent credence to the idea that the place really wasn't fit for muggle or wizard living. But that didn't really bother him. Spending the first ten years of your life living in a cupboard generally forced one to ignore minor things like obnoxious smells or a lack of the ability to move. Thinking back on those lovely childhood memories he made sure that his body covered every possible inch of space on the chair he currently occupied and flipped the page of his well-worn edition of _Quidditch Through the Ages_. Reaching one of his favorite parts, he began to re-read the section pertaining to Quidditch fouls and the now famous World Cup in 1473 where every previously conceived foul, plus some new ones, had been called.

It was when he reached the foul covering assaulting a member of the opposing team with an axe that a sound from the staircase pulled him from the book. Well, a sound probably isn't the most accurate term, more like a thud and a muffled explicative, but a sound none the less. Although not much on their own, the combination of these two things told Harry everything he needed to know.

"Hey Tonks," Harry called, waving his arm above his head without looking.

"Harry?" came a rather timid voice, it was definitely Tonks but the words didn't sound right… "What are you doing up so late?"

"Couldn't sleep, figured I could read to help me doze off," Harry replied closing the book and pushing himself out of the chair. "I guess it's not working 'cause I'm still completely awake…" His voice trailed off as soon as he had finished turning. Tonks stood before him wearing a black robe with a black satchel over her shoulder. His eyes made their way to her face, which was almost completely unrecognizable. Her skin tone had darkened to the hue of her cape while her normally vibrant hair had matched the same color. But her eyes were the most shocking of all. Instead of the random summer colors that she would shift through on a daily basis, they were black…devoid of all color. He had seen her this way before. "Tonks, what's going on?"

"I'm on a mission," she replied, turning away slightly.

"There weren't any missions scheduled for tonight," Harry responded and she flinched. She knew he was right. Ever since the fiasco at the Department of Ministries Harry had been kept extremely well informed concerning Order matters.

"It's…not a mission."

"We've established that."

"Harry look, I'd really rather not talk about this…" she gave him a pleading look, but both knew that it was to no avail.

"No way," Harry replied, her pleading look fading into that of resignation, "we had a deal, remember?"

"Yeah, I remember," she said before taking a seat opposite of Harry.

The deal Harry referred to was made relatively soon after Sirius' death. Harry had been freed from the Dursleys fairly quickly and it was in that period of time that he spent at Grimmauld Place that Harry and Tonks developed a mutual understanding for each other: Harry having lost his godfather while Tonks had lost her favorite cousin. In the period between Harry's release and the beginning of Hogwarts, the war had erupted. There had been incidents of battles breaking out amidst muggle London between Aurors and Death Eaters. The _Daily Prophet_ had begun to keep track of the deaths caused by which side and every so often they would see someone that they had known. This alone would have been enough, but combined with everything that had happened recently it just seemed to be too much. It was then that the deal was made.

The deal wasn't anything really complicated, it was just an agreement. If one needed to talk, the other would be there and vice versa. Simple really, and it worked…to an extent. Every once in a while one of them would say something to piss off the other, a fight would break out and they'd avoid each other for a few days until one of them would swallow their pride and fess up to being a prat. Somehow this managed to help.

"We had a deal Tonks," Harry reiterated to the witch sitting across from him.

"I know…" she mumbled, wringing her hands in her lap. Her eyes, now faded from black to purple, remained focused on her hands. "Harry…I just want someone who will understand."

_Lupin_…Harry thought immediately.

Remus Lupin was now Harry's official godfather, not that it mattered since he was already of age, but a nice gesture from Sirius to his long-time friend. It had been common knowledge since his sixth year that Tonks had feelings for Lupin. Lupin however, was the enigma; no one knew if he had feelings for Tonks. And that is what caused the problem. Whenever Tonks asked about it, Lupin always replied that there are certain things that a werewolf shouldn't do and that, he would point out, is one of them. If she decided that it was worth pushing farther Lupin would just say that being with a werewolf is too dangerous plus there had never been any recorded relationships between a werewolf and an ordinary witch or wizard so there was no way to know what the possible ramifications would be. This, of course, never satisfied Tonks but Lupin would always leave it there. Harry had actually had a hunch that Lupin might not feel the same way towards Tonks but was merely keeping his mouth shut. It would make sense considering his constant refusal but there were always other possibilities; such as he might actually be too concerned the fact that he is a werewolf to allow any to get close. But when he turned back to her, whether Lupin did or didn't have feelings for her became irrelevant.

"Tonks, where were you going?" Harry asked carefully.

"I was going on a mission."

"There aren't any scheduled for tonight," Harry restated the fact, unsure of why she reverted back to her original position.

"It's unofficial," Tonks replied causing Harry to look at her curiously.

"What do you mean?" Harry probed…_something's not right…_

"It's unofficial, as in the opposite of official," she quipped.

"Since when has the Order had unofficial missions?" Harry asked, ignoring her precious comment.

"The Order doesn't," she answered before looking him in the eyes with an emotion that was a mixture of pleading and determination, "the Ministry does."

"Wait a minute Tonks, what's going on here? You hate the Ministry about as much as I hated Fudge!" _…this doesn't make any sense…_

"I can't say," she replied before turning to face the unlit hearth, "it's classified." Harry's mind didn't know what to make of this. _She told me she hates the Ministry, the corruption, the policies, everything about it and now she's risking her life for them? They don't make missions classified for nothing! _She glanced at her watch, "I need to leave; the briefing is in two hours."

"It doesn't take two hours to get to the Ministry," Harry replied with the only thing his mind could come up with.

"I have to go by my flat first," she answered while rising from her chair and moving to the door.

"Tonks," Harry called getting to his feet, he said her name again when she failed to respond. Then Harry realized that he would have to cross the line, "He's not worth it."

She froze and Harry knew he'd gotten to her. Seconds ticked by, until "Who?"

"Don't bullshit me Tonks," Harry replied stepping closer. She visibly tightened, her fist clenched before relaxing and her skin color faded to its previously dark hue.

"I was asking a question Harry," she replied evenly, coldly, "who were you speaking about? _Who_ isn't worth it?"

"Lupin," Harry replied without hesitation. She relaxed, drawing in a deep breath.

Then she turned, her eyes not dark like before but a blazing red, "Wrong Harry!" she snapped. Harry was taken aback; he'd never seen her like that before. "How long have we had this deal? How long, almost seven months? I thought you listened to me! I thought-" she paused briefly as tears welled up in her eyes, "-I thought you understood me!"

"Tonks-" Harry started, but never finished.

"Hey, what's with all the yelling?" a voice called from the stairs.

Harry turned, seeing his least favorite person at the moment: Remus Lupin. But before he could get a word out Tonks had spun around, muttered the word "Nothing," and left the house. Harry was a little dumbfounded by the abrupt change in the atmosphere before realizing that this was his chance to find out what happened that had gotten Tonks so mad. "What did you say to her?"

"Me?" Lupin turned to Harry with a shocked expression on his face. "What do you mean, 'what did I say'?"

"She came down fifteen minutes ago peeved about something and everyone knows when that happens you're somehow involved," Harry replied becoming somewhat defensive.

"Why would I be involved?" Lupin's voice was filled with confusion.

"Because everyone knows she likes you," Harry answered becoming increasingly annoyed by this line of conversation. "Now spit it out already!"

"You really care about her, don't you?"

"Just tell me- what?"

"I said: you really care about her, right?" Lupin merely restated the question.

"Well, yeah," was Harry's response, slightly unnerved by the sudden change of topic. The truthfulness of his answer actually surprised his own consciousness. His actual feelings for the Auror had been something that he had lied to everyone about; including himself. Whenever the idea would emerge within his mind, he would find some rational way to explain away the feelings. It would usually consist of something along the lines of "She's too old" or "She's got something for Lupin" or even "Come off it, it's just hormones!" It wasn't until two months prior when things actually began to make sense.

Voldemort had decided things had become a little too uneventful. The Ministry had expected an attack on Hogwarts since the beginning and had taken what they believed to be the necessary precautions to keep the castle safe. With the Death Eaters off causing chaos across all of Britain, the security at Hogwarts began relax; the idea that Hogwarts was once again a safe zone during the war began to fill the minds of the general populous. This, apparently, didn't sit well with The Dark Lord. Although he knew that attacking Hogwarts flat out would be a major escalation in what had previously been a relatively covert war, he decided that he needed a way to cause some panic without inciting the full wrath of the Aurors on guard. So he did the next best thing: he attacked Hogsmeade. Close enough to the castle to cause terror but far enough away to allow the Death Eaters to stick to the guerilla tactics that they excelled at.

When the attack started, many of the Aurors stationed at Hogwarts immediately headed towards the small wizarding town. This, in retrospect, was probably the worst thing to do since many were incapacitated by Death Eaters that had set up ambushes. Tonks had actually been stationed within the castle on Order business but had gone to help at the town despite the reports coming back. By the time she had reached the town the Aurors had actually managed to gain some ground despite the unconventional tactics employed by the Death Eaters. All had gone well until the Death Eaters mysteriously apparated causing a sudden and abrupt ceasefire. The lack of an Anti-Apparation ward was the cause of this but since there were Aurors constantly apparating in and out they couldn't really be faulted for denying themselves reinforcements and as the seconds ticked by it seemed that the fight was over. Until a minute later when an explosion ripped its way through The Three Broomsticks killing multiple Aurors and injuring three times as many.

Tonks, who had been returning to the castle at that point, was approximately thirty feet away from building when it went up. The shockwave ripped across the street slamming her into a stone wall opposite the restaurant. She had suffered a broken arm, fractured ribs, a dislocated shoulder, a concussion, and a loss of consciousness. She was in and out of unconsciousness for the next three days as a response to the potions given to her for the other injuries and Harry was sure that Madam Pomphrey had given her at least one Sleeping Draught to keep the hyperactive Auror in bed. But regardless of the Draught or not, she was in Hogwarts' infirmary for the next three days. Three days that gave Harry plenty of time to finally figure out where he stood and make a decision.

"Yeah I care about her," Harry reinforced his point, unsure of why he suddenly felt so confident in it.

"I think you should sit down."

-----

_It made sense…it made perfect sense…_Harry thought as his fist pounded against the door all the while hoping she was still home and hadn't left for the Ministry. Before his mind could conceive of any unlikely reasons that she might have been held up a muffled voice came from within, "It's 12:30 at night so whatever you've got to say better be real damn important if you like eating solid food!" Harry grinned, _that's the Tonks that I know…_flashed through his mind before the door swung open and he was met by the completely bewildered face of a Nymphadora Tonks.

It was plain to see that whatever she had been expecting to find at the door, he was no where near the top of the list. She stood there dumbfounded for a split-second before Harry grabbed her and pulled into his arms. He felt her tighten and slowly relax, but she merely remained motionless with her arms at her side. "Tonks," Harry spoke softly, his words muffled by her violet hair, "Tonks I'm sorry."

This took her by surprise, her head jerked back at his words and she looked at his eyes. Harry stared back, marveling at the reflection in her azure eyes. She stared at him for a moment, trying to comprehend what exactly was going on before she asked, "Sorry for what?"

Harry grinned, "For not figuring it out sooner."

He leaned forward kissing her briefly, pressing his lips softly against hers before pulling away. Her eyes fluttered open almost immediately. "Harry, I-" she stammered, trying to make sense of what just happened and apparently it wasn't working. "Since when…"

"Remember two months ago when Voldemort attacked Hogsmeade and the Order dragged you into the hospital wing at Hogwarts," she nodded weakly, her eyes never leaving his. "You remember when you woke up?"

"You were…you were sitting next to me, you said you just got there," she replied faintly.

"I kind of lied," Harry gave her a sheepish grin, "I'd been there for three days." She stared at him and Harry answered the question in her eyes, "I never left."

"But why?"

"We had that deal for five months by then, how long did you think it would take…I was just too dense to figure it out until then."

She smiled, burying her face in his chest and wrapping her arms around him, "I'm glad you finally figured it out."

Harry stood there for a moment before asking the question he knew would eventually have to come up, "Tonks?"

"Hmm?"

"What about the mission?"

She tightened her grip around him, "Worry about that later…just, for now, let me be."


End file.
